The CDN you can feel.
Other CDNs keep copies of your files in 300 cities so they arrive in milliseconds. The Slop Delivery Network keeps one copy, with a chud, in a basement, in a time zone that does not make sense. When you ask for a file he picks up the landline and reads it to you one byte at a time. Pick a file, pick a speed, and listen for the handshake.
Yes, it actually works. Try not to think about why. /cdn-chud/slop rings up a chud stationed somewhere geographically inconvenient, who reads a real file back to you at baud / 10 bytes per second, which is about as fast as a man can read bytes aloud. Deliveries are capped at roughly 30 seconds (the slop nap), so a 110-baud request will not run until the heat death of the universe. He only fetches files from this site. He is not an open proxy, he is just a guy.